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Etiquette used to be so easy...
It was what your mother called good manners. With weddings, it gets a little more complicated. Here are answers to some questions you may have:
Is it okay to include a map in a wedding invitation? Most of my fiancée's family will be coming from outside of the city.
Yes, but no photocopies please. Make sure they are printed as beautifully as the invitations themselves.
My wedding date is still two years away. When should an engagement announcement appear in the paper?
As a general rule, engagements should be published no more than a year and not less than six weeks before your wedding.
We are planning a very small wedding with only about 30 guests. I had planned to send wedding announcements after the wedding to
our friends who aren't invited to the wedding, but my fiancée is afraid they'll think we're asking for gifts.
Wedding announcements are perfectly proper and are not a request for gifts. Only guests who attend the wedding and reception should
feel obligated to send gifts. (You, of course, should not EXPECT gifts from anyone). Mail your announcements a day or two after the
wedding.
If people bring gifts to our reception, do we have to open them there?
Not only do you not have to, you shouldn't. It used to be considered bad manners to even bring gifts to a reception.
While that is no longer true, you should still find a safe, out-of-the-way place for guests to leave them until you can open them
later.
My family is much larger than my fiancée's. Do we have to seat people on the "bride's side" and "groom's side?"
No. Just have your ushers seat people without asking which side. Your mothers and immediate families, however, should be seated on the traditional sides.
My parents are divorced, and my father has remarried. I live with my mother, but I am also very close to my father and his wife.
Whose names go on the invitation? Where do they sit in the church?
They will not sit together. If your parents agree, list both names on the invitation: "Mrs. Mary Jones Smith and
Mr. John David Smith request the honor of your presence...." If they don't want their names to appear together, the name of whoever is
hosting - not necessarily paying for - the wedding should be on the invitation. Or you can put your mother's name on the wedding
invitation and your father's and stepmother's names on the reception invitation if they are separate cards.
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My father died two years ago, and I would really like to honor his memory.
You will certainly want to mention your father in newspaper announcements of your wedding: "The bride is the daughter of Mrs. John
Smith and the late Mr. Smith." And you may include a very private, symbolic moment in the ceremony to honor your father.
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Our wedding reception will be a large, sit-down dinner. My mother has worked hard to plan seating for all of the guests.
What is the best way to direct them to their places?
Use place cards on the tables; they are especially pretty if written in calligraphy. Then display a seating chart (also beautifully
lettered) where your guests can see it, so they won't have to go from table to table searching for their places.
We have registered a Wedding Gift List at Brown Thomas Cork but don't know how to let our friends know. Is it okay to enclose a
card in the wedding invitation?
Don't enclose a card in your wedding invitation, as that may give the impression that you expect gifts.
However, if someone asks you - or your mother - what you would like as a wedding gift, it is perfectly proper
to let them know you are registered.
What if one of our attendants gets sick and can't come to the wedding?
As much as you'd like to have your friend there, the wedding must go on. If there is time and you feel comfortable asking another
friend to fill in, you can do that. Or just proceed as you would without that person. Be sure to call your friend the morning of the
wedding and let them know how much you will miss them.
My fiancée and I are planning a very small wedding and a larger reception. Do we need to send separate invitations for the
wedding?
If you have chosen traditional full day invitations then your guests will also have been invited to the wedding and the reception.
A separate reception party invitation should be sent to those just invited to this part of the celebrations.
During the wedding, do I walk down the aisle on my father's right arm or his left?
You will take your father's left arm as you walk down the aisle. Your father will then be on your right when your groom joins you from
the right at the altar.
My fiancée and I are planning a very formal wedding. We would like for our guests to wear long dresses and tuxedos.
How do we get the word out?
Your guests will get some idea of what to wear by the time of the wedding and the location of the reception.
But you should also tell your family and close friends what you would like them to wear and ask them to spread the word.
Should I buy my fiancée a wedding gift?
While there is no rule that says couples should exchange wedding gifts, most do. Usually brides and grooms choose something they know
will be treasured for years to come. Special gifts for either the bride or groom include watches, jewelry or luggage.
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